Posts by Jennifer
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Thanks Mia,
The girls and I are fine. We have been through a similar situation with their father. I was married to him for 32 miserable years. So they have had experience with verbally and mentally abusive males. This one hurt more because we actually love the real Harry, not the mental illness Harry.
They are old enough now to see the truth of a situation. Harry took turns on who he was picking on. We are more calm now. I have done enough releasing to not be worried or anxious anymore. I still feel like I am in a hamster ball bumping into life...
Rosie,
You always offer the most calming responses... I truly do love that about you. My main wish, is for my daughters to see the mistakes their mom made and hopefully not make the same ones. I share all my issues with them. They are good listeners and very empathic. They both helped me through my dark days in the beginning.
Jorge,
Of course you are right about the narcissistic personality. But it only came out when the "bad Harry" was in control. When the Harry I met was there, he was a truly loving and caring person. I often felt like I was dealing with his evil twin. I am tired of this human population also. At least all the idiots on it. I truly hope you find the peace you also deserve.
Jennifer
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ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
It is so easy to overlook issues in others, when you are wearing rose colored glasses. You think their issues are limited, so you tell yourself that they will get better as (fill in issue) gets better. Except it does not get better, it hides as another issue comes out. In disbelief you wonder where the hell did this come from.
Eventually you look back, after you are frustrated enough to actually admit you made a mistake. I am constantly informed by the silent majority (my unseen helpers) that it was not a mistake, but it was doomed from the beginning. WELL THAT HELPS!!
To those of you who may not know, the male I thought was the one I had been waiting for has officially flipped his mind and become a paranoid/delusional bi-polar with a variety of other issues.
We were only married for 2.5 years. I knew his other issues, injuries from the National Guard and things like diabetes. Those were easy to deal with. But the temper tantrums, whiny selfish attitude and his occasional trip down the rabbit hole were truly eye openers.
I have found out the hard way, that you cant fix mental instability. He would say he was going to get meds (oh yes they are needed) and a therapist. He avoided getting those things because he did not want to admit he had issues again. I found out he was in a VA clinic at JBLM for his depression, PTSD, bi polar, and adjustment issues. (those were the official VA diagnosis) He was terrified of going back to a medical clinic setting. I could not blame him, so I tried all I could to help him get the help he needed.
His last episode was January 3rd 2024. He left and never came back to stay. He has instead gotten a lawyer for divorce, tried to get me into trouble with the local PD. Small town, and most of them are our neighbors. I explained the issues and it was closed. He also spent some time with the VA ranting how I stole and hid money. He never tried to prove anything, just "told" everyone lies to make himself look the victim.
It all is sad and infuriating at the same time. I have done nothing wrong, so I am not really concerned about his lies so far. He is being seen as a "crazy man" by others.
All this from someone who I truly loved more than anyone else. But he was in NO WAY ready for me. He felt less than us for a variety of reasons. The main one was that my daughters and myself are smarter than he is. A perfect example of learning vs. fucking off your entire life. But, I homeschooled the last 2 and they were brought up to do oral reports as well as written, so they are well spoken.
I went through weeks of on/off anxiety for different things. The stages of grief visited me regularly. But I am a strong person, I survive and I drag my girls with me. We have plans in case SOON is still awhile off. So all is good and terrible at the same time.
I had been so busy the last 2 years dealing with him, that I put myself aside. I have plenty of time now to get back to my spiritual duties as well as argue in my head over letting go. The memory does not want to go just yet.
Lessons learned:
You can't fix stupid.
You can't help crazy.
I need to stop making such painful decisions.
The universe has a wicked sense of humor.
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I can attest to the mental decline of those not able to make the changes. The man I waited a lifetime for has gone paranoid/ delusional.
He is a disabled vet with a few diagnosis for mental health issues. He denies it is all him. Blames me and my daughters. Total victim mode like a child.
Thankfully and with breaking my heart, he left us last week and filed for divorce. We are glad to have to stress gone, but I hurt.
The stresses are hitting him hard. Every time I see him, he looks worse. Possible suicide by paranoia is what I worry about.
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My 20yr old was diagnosed with MS last October. She was 19 and went blind in one eye for 10 days. I will never forget those lesions on her brain from multiple MRI's.
The not knowing when or what will happen is the worst. So, You just live life. She refuses medications for the MS.
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18 years for me. The hurry up and wait routine got old real fast. I will NEVER trust any date or time given. I will know it is time when the first bomb drops on this soil. Until then, things are still just the usual bullshit day after day. I live my life as if nothing will change anytime soon. Makes it easier to deal with self-imposed disappointments.
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Congratulations Abundant hope !!
My Celestials told me that some of us have now between 2 and 10 strands of DNA.
Weird but good information.
keep the good work
interesting
Could you tell us more about this?
How does this manifest itself in the body, in the mind, in other things
It's interesting
A lovely spring day from faraway IsraelFor me personally, I have noticed changes in my life that include the following:
Answers to mental questions I have are answered immediately.
At times, I will know what will happen moments before it does. I have always had this, but it is a consistent happening now, if I am paying attention.
I can see/at times hear "people" in my home. Still glimpses, but again a constant happening if I am paying attention. ( Not during meditation. Not much time for that lately.)
Our family prayers are manifesting stronger. (4 of us).
Dark thoughts that try to invade are pushed away with little effort.
This is just a sampling of the changes I have undergone. Within the last 9 months, due to stress and moving, I have lost 28 pounds and only sleep 6 hours a night, if that long, with only eating one meal a day. I am maintaining this I believe due to my internal and external changes.
There are still body changes going on inside our bodies that affect all of us in this home. The list could go on for each of us here. The changes are the same and different for all of us. As long as they keep coming, I know I am growing.
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I have an idea, an image in my mind, of who I Am. It does not necessarily match the person I see in the mirror.
The person in the mirror, is tired and worn out.
Deprived of joy and happiness for so long, she can’t remember what it feels like.
It almost feels guilty trying to imagine those aspects being a part of me again.
I Am a confident, caring and compassionate daughter of God.
I long to embrace the feminine that is hidden within me.
I have had to be the warrior for so long, that she had put herself into stasis.
She had to, in order to survive in a hard world and home life.
So long she was silent and waiting, suffering with me.
Now the situation has changed some. I am still in a position to be the warrior, but not to the extent that I was.
Things have calmed. If only my mind would follow in kind.
Letting go is a challenge for mind, body and soul.
Who I Am and who I long to be, who I Am. A confusing statement. Like running in circles and getting dizzy.
The real I Am is starting to come out of her shelter. Slowly, letting me get used to letting my guard down.
The danger is past. The fog is retreating and I Am starting to shine.
It is amazingly difficult to become who you are when you have denied it for so long.
Feels wrong to release and drop shields even when it is your fondest wish to do so.
I look forward to the day when we are one again.
When I truly Am who I Am. Standing in my own feminine power and strength.
Being the leader, teacher, and mother I know I Am.
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Why is it so hard to make changes?
Being ignorant is not something that I have ever aspired to be. I do not like being lied to period. I do not like making a fool of myself, no matter the reason. I prefer a hands on learning experience. I retain the information better that way.
So knowing something is wrong, no matter the arena, should make a person would want to change. Why keep doing something that you know is hazardous? Yet that is exactly what we do. And we keep doing it for awhile. Getting more frustrated with ourselves for not doing what we know is wrong. Knowing we can do better. I will do it slowly, or I will wean myself into it. Years later we are still weaning ourselves.
There are many areas in my life I wish to change. To better myself in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual areas of my being. I have made a lot of progress in my life, but not enough. Yet still I struggle or delay.
The desire is there, but the spark is not.
Why is it so hard to do the right thing?
This applies to me a bit, but mostly to others I see in pubic. How much easier things would be if people just did the right thing... But what is the right thing. Is it always a good thing or does doing the right thing sometimes mean you have to do a wrong thing?
The fact that this planet is messed up beyond belief should be painfully obvious, even to the mindless. Everything is being done wrong. The wrong people are in charge. The wrong people are making the rules. Even if the right person gets into one of those positions to be in charge and make rules, they are beat down. Truth gets taken away and it seems like nothing is done to stop it.
Sometimes I think people don't do the right thing because the wrong thing is easier. This is also true for those trying to make changes. Just easier not to.
Why is it so hard to let go of the past?
When I think back on my life, I don't really remember any good times. I am sure they are there, but they are eclipsed by all the things I wish I could go back and change. The last 30 years were not good for me. Full of emotional and mental stress. Yes it helped me grow and awaken, but all the things that I don't like about it are what I see. I have let it go. I have forgiven myself and others. I have forcefully pushed out those memories and tried to keep them out. Back they pop in after a time.
I am feeling like I am in limbo. That stress has been removed from my home. Moved over 7 hours away. We are all happier now. But the effects linger. I still feel drained mentally and emotionally. I am now wondering what to do. I have to believe this time we are finally done with this earthly mess. But knowing what I have believed for the past 15 years, LOL, I also can't believe it is done. Of course since I am staying, does it really matter? I say yes, because I am not doing what I came here to do. It is not possible, except to a small extent, in the situation I am in now.
So in trying to remove the lingering past issues and make a new life, I am trying to let myself be guided and actually listen to the advice. (chuckles) I have resources to last 2-3 months as we are now. But I have 41 responsibilities to care and feed. That includes 2 kids, 5 cats, a dog, 3 indoor birds and 29 chickens, and myself. (we hatched 12 more chicks a month ago. Was not going to do that this year. Chickens had a different idea! )
The whole point of this is the fact that I KNOW BETTER.
I KNOW that I am better than this. That I can do better,
That I have done better in past lives yet I am still struggling with this one.
My first lifetime on this planet was during the Adam and Eve mission. I have been there and done that....
I need to find that spark to ignite the desire to move forward. But sometimes I am just so damn tired
Jennifer
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I usually get, "It's closer than you think". LOL I know something is up though. I have been going somewhere for a few hours at night and waking up with sore spots that were not there when I went to bed.
Jennifer
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Plans for Community Involvement
Fix-it cafe: A place for those who know how can help those who can’t. Can be in one location or different rotations. Healthy snacks provided.(pot luck style) Could include help with electronics, appliances, mending, etc.
Make it yourself classes: Learn how to knit, cook, garden, sew, woodwork, herbal remedies, etc. For all ages and levels. Possible one location or many different for different classes. May include animal husbandry projects for self sustainability.
Schooling Co-Ops: New form of schools. Taught by people who are experienced in the subject, not necessarily a professional teacher. Different locations for ages and levels? Group classes with mixed students. Perhaps in teen years most classes should be divided into male/female for better education not socialization.
Pot Luck Dinners: Bi-Monthly events. Held at different locations or same places depending. Focus on vegetarian and healthy dishes. Getting people to try new and healthy items.
Kids and Adult Art Classes: Taught by those who are talented in the subject. Separate levels and venues. Held twice a month at least.
I have found some of these around the area I live in. Most are usually well attended. There are a few times, though that my 2 daughters and I were the only ones attending. That is a shame.
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Here is my Updated version:
WOW, 8 years have passed since I wrote that mission statement. So much has changed! I have not read that post in ages and to see it now, I can see where I have improved my idea of my mission.
I will still be working with children. But I will be doing so with my mate, whom I have yet to meet in this lifetime. He is there and we will meet during the magnetic reversal. I see our mission as a type of mini Adam and Eve mission. We will be caretakers of foster children. Those who are staying without parents and those who will be removed from homes after we are back from the cleansing time.
We will also be community planners/organizers. I have a list that I will post of some ideas that I have seen implemented in communities on a small scale that I find excellent ideas. All to bring about togetherness and a feeling of belonging to your community.
At the same time we will be doing spiritual counseling for all ages. Individual and group. I have posted before a bit on my less than ideal life I have had for 30 years. The only thing that helps me accept all that has happened is the knowing that now I can say that I have been there and done that and know why it is wrong. How destructive behaviors whether yours or someone else’s affect the whole. I lived in an extremely stressful situation on both emotional and mental levels. I can truly say that I have learned the wrong way to do things, or to allow them to be done. This will come in handy during counseling sessions.
There is more of course, but most is still in the thought process. I do still feel that we will be somewhere in the state of Colorado when we come back, but I assume that can change also.
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Hello Everyone,
I have returned after taking some time off to do some self evaluation. I was pretty angry at a lot of things around the time the last forum went down.
Like a lot of you, I have been with this group since the start so long ago. So much has changed and yet so much has stayed the same.
I had to get over my anger before I decided to join up again I never lost faith, per se, but I did lose interest.
I ranted, I raved,I cried and at time I got to the point that I did not care if I lived or died to fulfill my promise to stay on this planet as long as I was needed. I just wanted SOMETHING to happen to visibly change the reality that people were living and afraid to let go of. I have felt trapped in this life predicament for so long that it turned into apathy.
I just wanted to get to my mission work in an environment that actually produced positive results. I began to go over my old mission statement and realized that I could not remember exactly what I had put down on the old forum. I know it had to do with teaching and counseling, as that is what I enjoy doing for others.
At my current job, I teach young and old how to swim. I really like to see my students gain the skill and move on to improve it and advance to the next level. I also do some counseling of sorts with the older swimmers that I have befriended over the 10 years I have been at the pool. I see how much it helps to sometimes to just be able to tell someone your problems and share your pain. It is amazing how much a wicked sense of humor can help you feel better about the crap we have to go through in live and I love to share that humor with others.
So began my internal searching as to what exactly I felt pulled to do to help my fellow humans.
I began to feel drawn toward teaching young kids about spiritual truths as well as the basics of human functioning in life. (Connecting with nature, healthy cooking, consequences of actions, etc) Basically things that a parent should teach their young yet do not always succeed. I will point out here that I am basically a married single parent. My husband and I do NOT agree in a wide variety of areas and therefore our children are growing up confused and pulled into different areas not knowing what to believe.
This has led me to the belief that children should only be brought into this world by parents who share the same ideas/beliefs to help facilitate the learning/remembering for that child. Ideally the world population would live in small groups in which the entire community would help to raise the child properly. Different people would instruct the children on whatever their specialty was This could be done in groups or individual for the child. I am still thinking that when the child reaches an older age, mid to late teens, that a special place could be set up to further educate our children. For example a farm or ranch setting for those who choose to live with t he land or a university setting for those that will choose to live as healers, teachers, etc.
I can envision these things better than I can describe them. I feel myself involved with this process on different levels. I feel drawn to teaching the young and helping the older ones to follow the correct path for their lives.
That would be where the counseling comes in. I also envision this on a single and group setting. I feel that setting up weekly meetings within a community to discuss the issues that come up is a must. Here the decisions for what is best for the community as a whole would be discussed and acted upon.
I feel pulled to being a way shower for the setting up of this type of community. I have no desire or intention of doing this alone. I have tried to do things alone now and it does not work well, if at all.
So in my mission to educate and counsel, I am but one member on a team that is working for the same goal. I have no desire to be an overall leader, although I know I am capable of being one. It seems that I am the one many people at work or at home come to for advice and decision making. I value input and assistance of others and sometimes it is nice if someone else makes a decision for themselves.
That is my vision as I see it now. The education of the young and the setting up of communities that exist on the basic principles of coming together for the greater good of all. I realize this may sound vague, but it does involve a lot of small areas that create the whole.
With 20/20 hindsight, I wish I would have gotten involved with the making of foster farms/ranches for kids to live and grow up who are put into a system now that does nothing to foster their spiritual, emotional and mental needs. a place where they can connect with nature and the care of animals to help them to see their place on the planet as caretakers.